The greatest sport

Now it is quite clear that absolute equality is impossible. Although equality under law is a beautiful thing there will always be some who are stronger, more intelligent or prettier. And so this transfers itself to all aspects of human life. Simply put it is a condition of life that something’s are better than others no matter how much we try to raise the bottom level up. This being the case I want to know what is the greatest sport of all? Which event or game reaches those levels that others just can't get to in terms of skill, excitement, ability and satisfaction for both participant and contender?

For me there is only one sport that I can think of that comes close to completely fulfilling all these categories. Only one sport is almost perfect. And I'm sure you all already know which one it is. It is, of course, danger wanking. Specifically Shouting Danger Wanking. If, by some outlandish chance, you have never come across this sport the rules are simple. You find yourself in a room by yourself and shout someone's name and ask them to come in and see you. It is at this point you start to masturbate and must have finished properly before they get in and catch you.

Surely this completely captures the Olympic ideal? Surely this encaptures the true nobility of competition? Sure this is the greatest sport?

I seem to remember that myself, Liam, Mir, G, Mash and Becky had a very serious discussion about danger wanking in a youth hostel.

it is truly a sport of champions